August 24th, 2013

I can't believe I haven't blogged since June 19th. The last few months have been absolutely crazy. I'll give an update on my progress then I'd like to share some thoughts. 

I am in the expansion process. Tissue expanders were placed behind my pectoral muscle during my mastectomy surgery June 3rd.

This is a picture of an expander before it is filled. 

The plastic circle is a port. The plastic surgeon uses a magnet to locate the port and inserts the needle through my skin.  He adds a small amount of saline at each visit. 
The expander is stretching my skin and muscle. 
 It's completely bizarre. 
It's also completely uncomfortable and nothing sucks more!

Here is what the expander will look like once it is completely filled.

 I've been going for "fills" every couple weeks. 
The fill procedure is not painful because I have no feeling anywhere across my chest. 
 I am very sore and experience a burning sensation for days while the skin stretches.
The skin is very tight and hard. I feel like I'm wearing coconuts.

I haven't slept through the night since April 23rd.

My exchange surgery is September 16th at Advocate Illinois Masonic Hospital in Chicago. The surgeon will remove the expanders and put in silicone gel implants. These will last for about 7 years. I'll have drains again (sigh) and my incisions will be inframammary. I'm hopeful this surgery will go as well as the others.

The pic is me, my incredible mom, dad, and sis.  This journey started with my moms diagnosis of breast cancer in November, 2012. My sister and I got our BRCA 2+ diagnosis in March, 2013. FYI-my dad is the only one in the picture with breast tissue. LOL 
I am so thankful my mom is finished with chemo and radiation and was able to come for a visit. I don't think I'm going to let them go home!

I am not the same person I was six months ago.
These surgeries have changed me physically and emotionally. 
 I am healing well.
 I have lowered my risk of breast and ovarian cancer. I'm doing what I can to lower my risk of other cancers related to brca.
I'm exhausted. I'm emotional. I'm content. I'm scared. I'm loved. I'm thankful. I'm anxious. I'm energetic. I'm insecure. I'm relaxed.  

I'm feeling old. 

I am all these things- 

I don't take anything or anyone for granted. 

I tell my family I LOVE them every day.

I hug my boys and kiss my hubby.

I'm trying to live intentionally.