Wednesday, June 19, 2013

June 19, 2013





Not sure why I found this shirt funny a few weeks ago?
 
It's been 16 very emotional days since my mastectomy.  The surgery went well and all my pathology is clear.  My chances of developing breast cancer is less than 5%.  That is the awesome news.
 So many people have asked about the actual surgery so I thought I'd walk you through it. 
The pre-op team couldn't get an IV in because I was dehydrated so after 5 shots of numbing agent and 5 sticks with a very large needle the head dude had to come and place the IV.  My breast surgeon and plastic surgeon armed with sharpies marked up my chest.  I was only in surgery for about two and a half hours. The breast surgeon took samples from both nipples and they were tested on site.  The pathology was clear so she was able to leave them.  She then removed the breast tissue from high near the collarbone and wide to the armpit. The plastic surgeon then began his surgery. His job was to create a mound so I can eventually have breasts.  The skin is very thin from removing tissue so he used alloderm, which is donor tissue.  He placed expanders behind the pectoral muscle and against the chest wall. These will be filled with liquid over time and stretch the skin so it can handle an implant. They are very uncomfortable. They are plastic and have a metallic port so I will set off security alarms!  He was able to fill them with some saline at the time of surgery. I expected to wake up flat so I was happy to look down and see a small mound.  My chest was extremely bruised but I thought it looked beautiful. I had 4 drains sewn in that came out of my sides.  They collected blood and fluid from the spaces where breast tissue used to be. I was not able to shower while these were in. They made it difficult to sleep. My wonderful husband kept track of my medications. I was given a pain med, a muscle spasm med, a stool softener, a med for nausea, and an antibiotic. I was off all medications except for Motrin and Tylenol by day 5.  My husband had to empty the drains and keep track of the fluid count. We needed each drain to measure less than 30 cc in a 24 hour period. I was lucky and only had them in for 5 days. The plastic surgeon removed them and it hurt.  Lets leave it at that. I will be seeing the plastic surgeon to begin "filling" the expanders. I'm small so it shouldn't take too long.  He was concerned that my left nipple had been compromised but is hopeful it will make it. (doesn't that sound ridiculous?) Everything seems to be going smoothly.  I will have an exchange surgery in the next few months and the expanders will be removed and I'll have implants put in. Let me set the record straight--- no I can't get any size I want.  This is not like an augmentation. The plastic surgeon takes measurements and that determines my size. A reconstruction is different because there is no breast tissue. I'm just happy that I can have breasts and no cancer!
 
2 of my drains
 
They look like grenades. (Jackson Pratt drains)
 

 
 
 
Jim in the recovery room. I made him take this pic.
 
Just home from the hospital. The recliner was a lifesaver.
My mother in law washing my hair in the sink.
 She took great care of me too.
 
 
I wanted to write about the emotional roller coaster during this experience.
I've had two major surgeries in less than 2 months. The first put me in menopause.  Hot flashes, sleepless nights, memory fogs, and messed up emotions. The second removed my breasts and placed foreign objects in their place. I knew what to expect from both surgeries. I knew they wouldn't be easy.  I did my research.
But, This is hard. 
I want to feel like myself again. I know I will, but I'm not a patient person.
I'm tired all the time, I can't even freakin vacuum. 
I know I'll make it and someday this will be a distant memory but right now it sucks.
Don't get me wrong---
I am so thankful- no regrets!
 
I need a vacation. Hawaii anyone??

 


Sunday, June 2, 2013

Surgery Day- June 3, 2013

 
 
My friend Elizabeth, a survivor, gave me an amazing devotional book.
It has brought me great comfort because I know the words are true.
I believe.
 
Trust Me, and don't be afraid. Many things feel out of control. Your routines are not running smoothly.  You tend to feel more secure when your life is predictable. Let Me lead you to the rock that is higher than you and your circumstances. Take refuge in the shelter of My wings, where you are absolutely secure.
When you are shaken out of your comfortable routines, grip My hand tightly and look for growth opportunities. Instead of bemoaning the loss of your comfort, accept the challenge of something new. I lead you on from glory to glory, making you fit for My kingdom. Say yes to the ways I work in your life. Trust Me, and don't be afraid.


 
I am ready.
 
I am at peace.
 
I am so thankful for all of you.

I'm writing this blog post on Saturday before my surgery. I'm doing much better than the last time I posted.  I feel great. I'm listening to the Hawks game in the background and the sun is actually shining. My puppy is laying at my feet. The boys (and friends) are laughing downstairs. Jim is beating a level for me on candy crush. 
Just a normal Saturday afternoon.
 What's there to be afraid of?
 I trust my surgeons.
I'm healthy.
I am faithful.
I have my bag packed and new sheets on the bed. A friend brought me a cozy blanket and pillow yesterday for my recovery.
My sister says "pretend you're going to a spa."
I'll try!

I'm having a prophylactic bilateral double mastectomy with expanders at Advocate Illinois Masonic Hospital in Chicago.  I have to be at the hospital at 5:30 am. My surgery is suppose to start at 7:30 am. I'll be in surgery 3-4 hours then in recovery for 1-2 hours. It is going to be a long day!
If everything goes as planned I'll be coming home Tuesday, June 4th (Jordans 20th bday!)



thank you, friends, for taking this journey with me.


 

Saturday, June 1, 2013

shout out to my family








This is my best friend, husband, partner in crime, lover, father to my children, sugar daddy- Jim.
  I couldn't have made it through this last year without his support.  He encourages me when I'm down, paints my toenails when I can't reach them, and holds me when I cry. We've been married for 22 years and he makes me laugh...still.
 He is my rock.
 I am deeply in LOVE with this man.
 
 
 These are our babies. 
Ya, I know they're 20 and 17! 
Would you believe I have heels on?
Sometimes they forget I'm the mama, not a doll.
They bring me dairy queen, send me lives on candy crush, watch scary movies with me when dads away, and STILL hug me in front of their friends.
I am proud of them.
I LOVE these boys with all my heart.

I am not alone on this journey.

I couldn't do any of this without the love and support of my family.
 
 
 

 

August 24th, 2013

I can't believe I haven't blogged since June 19th. The last few months have been absolutely crazy. I'll give an update on my ...