shout out to my family



This is my best friend, husband, partner in crime, lover, father to my children, sugar daddy- Jim.

  I couldn't have made it through this last year without his support.  He encourages me when I'm down, paints my toenails when I can't reach them, and holds me when I cry. We've been married for 22 years and he makes me laugh...still.

 He is my rock.

 I am deeply in LOVE with this man.

 

 

 These are our babies. 
Ya, I know they're 20 and 17! 
Would you believe I have heels on?
Sometimes they forget I'm the mama, not a doll.
They bring me dairy queen, send me lives on candy crush, watch scary movies with me when dads away, and STILL hug me in front of their friends.
I am proud of them.
I LOVE these boys with all my heart.

I am not alone on this journey.

I couldn't do any of this without the love and support of my family.

 

 

 



 

May 22, 2013

I'll take a large Courage and a side of Strength. Hey, does that come with Peace?

 

 The last couple days have been about preoperative visits with my surgeons.  Everything is a go for my prophylactic bilateral mastectomy Monday, June 3rd 7:30 a.m.  I came away from both appointments feeling positive and peaceful. I've done my research, I've chosen the best doctors, and I have the most supportive family and friends.  I know I'm in good hands.

So, why am I freaking out on the inside?

 

Okay, I'm gonna to say it.

 

I.AM.SCARED.

 

I don't wanna be. I haven't allowed myself to be. I wish I wasn't.

 

scared.

 

 It is not reversible. They are amputating a part of my body. It's not like I have big boobs. They aren't even pretty. But, they are MINE. They're part of me. What will I see when I look in the mirror? What will it be like not having sensation? I have about a hundred more questions running through my mind (mostly in the middle of the night).

 

I haven't let myself go there because I don't have a choice. They are ticking time bombs. I heard a great analogy recently "if you were about to get on an airplane and they told you it had an 87-90% chance of crashing- would you still board the plane?"

 

 

Its confusing to feel confident and scared at the same time.

 

In writing this blog I've become an open book. I'm sharing my thoughts and feelings and sometimes they aren't pretty. 

Don't feel sorry for me-

if anything, send positive thoughts and prayers

(and maybe some reeses).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Tuesday, May 14th.

 

 

HAS ANYONE NOT HEARD THE NEWS???????

"My Medical Choice" by Angelina Jolie was released today.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/14/opinion/my-medical-choice.html?_r=1

 

She is BRCA1 positive and recently had a prophylactic double mastectomy.
  Now comes all the misinformation and opinions from people who have not done their research and have no idea what they are talking about.  I belong to a few groups on Facebook- all women who are BRCA positive.  We get advice, give encouragement, and share our stories with one another. ALL POSITIVE.
 I didn't realize until today,while browsing outside my groups, that there were people who thought having my breasts cut off and being in menopause at age 42 was somehow related to "wealth or vanity".  Really? I actually read that on a feed today. It was directed at Angelina but I felt offended. I wrote a response "have you seen her breasts? do you have any idea what a mastectomy involves? her beautiful tomb raider breasts will never be the same and she may never have feeling in them again?  Vanity??? Seriously???"

Wealth was also talked about.  The dumb dumb obviously didn't know that if you fall within the guidelines insurance will pay for the testing as well as the surgery.  If you don't have insurance there are doctors and non profit organizations that will make sure you get the testing and treatment you need.
 

I've felt nothing but love and support from my family and friends so the rant above is not aimed at you! Just needed to get it off my chest (heehee)
 

I thought I would provide some additional information on BRCA:

 

Having a BRCA gene mutation is uncommon. These mutations are present in far less than 1 percent of the general population.  Inherited BRCA gene mutations are responsible for about 5 percent of breast cancers and about 10 to 15 percent of ovarian cancers. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/brca-gene-test/MY00322

 Harmful BRCA1 mutations may also increase a woman’s risk of developing cervical, uterine, pancreatic, and colon cancer. Harmful BRCA2 mutations may additionally increase the risk of pancreatic cancer, stomach cancer, gallbladder and bile duct cancer, and melanoma.

http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Risk/BRCA

 



Who should consider testing?

Genetic testing is only recommended for certain people, including those with:

• A personal history of breast cancer at age 50 or younger
• A personal history of triple negative breast cancer (breast cancer that is estrogen receptor-negative, progesterone receptor-negative and HER2/neu receptor-negative)
• A personal or family history of male breast cancer
• A personal or family history of bilateral breast cancer (cancer in both breasts)
• A personal history of ovarian cancer
• A parent, sibling, child, grandparent, grandchild, uncle, aunt, nephew, niece or first cousin diagnosed with breast cancer at age 45 or younger
• A parent, sibling, child, grandparent, grandchild, uncle, aunt, nephew, niece or first cousin diagnosed with ovarian cancer
• A family history of both breast and ovarian cancers on the same side of the family (either mother's or father's side of the family)
• Ashkenazi Jewish heritage and a family history of breast or ovarian cancer

There is only a very small chance that your family carries a BRCA mutation if:

• You or an immediate family member is the only person in your family with breast cancer
• The breast cancers in your family all occurred at older ages.
• http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Risk/BRCA

 

I would like to say that scheduling the prophylactic surgeries was a difficult choice. But, it was a no brainer.

87-90% chance of breast cancer VS less than 5%.

 

If you have any questions regarding BRCA or my story please email me (jstella6635@charter.net) or message me on FB. I would be happy to answer your questions or chat!

 

My prophylactic double mastectomy is scheduled on June 3rd.

 

 

 

 



April 27, 2013

I woke up Tuesday morning with a sense of peace.  I felt the prayers. 

Shel and Jim stayed with me til the very last moment.

 

 

I will not get ovarian cancer! 

 Hysterectomy and oophorectomy done. I had a rough day Monday before surgery. I was very anxious and ended up taking Xanax. What a life saver.  Tuesday morning was completely different. I felt calm and peaceful. I have to admit it didn't seem real until the gown went on and the iv went in.  Next, the anesthesiologist went over the game plan- I'm a difficult patient because I'm drug naive, tiny, suffer from vertigo, and have problems with nausea. He did a great job- maybe too good since I couldn't open my eyes until the next day! My surgery went well. I haven't gotten the pathology report back but my doctor said there were no surprises. 

My sister woke up feeling great after her surgery three weeks before- I couldn't open my eyes and was dizzy for days due to the patch I had behind my ear for nausea. I will not talk about the packing that was placed in my body. If you are going to have this surgery inbox me and I will give you the details. I'm not in pain. It feels very tender and my stomach is swollen.  I'm tired all the time. My husband has been amazing. He has taken over and encouraged me to just rest and recover. 

 

The kids had prom on Friday and that was difficult. Thankfully my sis and friend Missy took all the pictures. I was able to sit and watch. Sis and I were both exhausted after. Little things wear you out quickly.

 

Next topic, menopause.

I'm less than a week in and it sucks. The hot flashes set in almost immediately.  It's not like anything I can explain. It's horrible. The heat moves up my body and is unbearable. I'm sweating in places I never knew could sweat!  

I'm trying to be positive but,

don't hold it against me if I start swearing like a trucker.

 

Next surgery, June 3, 2013.

April 22, 2013

 the journey becomes real for me tomorrow.

 my first surgery-

 laparoscopic assisted vaginal hysterectomy w/bilateral salpingo oophorectomy.

big words for: removing everything.

I'm feeling very emotional.

 

I wish I had more to write but, I'm out of words. lets do this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

April 8, 2013

My sister had her hysterectomy/oophorectomy last Tuesday.  The surgery went very well. (the pathology came back clear btw) She said the pain felt like a bad period. I spent the night at the hospital with her and had to take a couple pictures. Who wakes up from surgery and looks this good?????

We were able to Face time with my parents, lil sis, and her son at college.  I think it helped everyone to see her and hear that she was doing well.  We actually took a walk yesterday! 

I am encouraged and hope my surgery goes as smoothly on April 23.

 

I had my MRI on April 5.  I've never had an MRI and it would've been helpful to hear about the procedure before hand because I did have some anxiety. I am happy to report it wasn't bad.  They put an IV in my arm first then I layed on my stomach with my arms at my sides. Your breasts hang down into a compartment.  You have to lay completely still.  It took 45 minutes (I got an A+ for staying so still).  They told me I could bring a cd but I couldn't hear the music over the loud banging and sirens from the machine. Be prepared for loud noise the entire time. I would also wear comfortable bottoms- not jeans.

 I got my results this morning while getting a pedicure- "we need you to come in for a target ultrasound because there is a 4mm enhancement on your right breast."

The tech was awesome and said I could come for my ultrasound at 2:00.  My sister was able to come with me to the appointment.  We go to as many appointments together as we can so no information gets overlooked or forgotten.  We talked with the tech about the difference between MRI and ultrasound.  If the MRI shows everything why am I having an ultrasound now?  She explained that the MRI shows everything but not specific.  The ultrasound is specific once something is seen.

I found out I have a cyst on the back, behind my nipple. It is benign.  I will not need to have any follow up since both breasts are being removed June 3, 2013. 

I'm exhausted.  I feel great physically but this is very stressful and it wears me out.  I didn't want to be talking about brca every day but it really does take over your every thought.  I hope once the surgeries are done and I'm healed I can leave brca in the past and start living again.

April 1, 2013

 

 

I'm sad today.  My mom is having a bad reaction to her chemo (rash on her entire body and thrush in her mouth) and there is nothing I can do to help.  I feel the miles between us. 

My sister, M, is having her hysterectomy and oophorectomy tomorrow. She is coming to terms with the seriousness of the brca2 diagnosis.  It's not easy because we really don't have any choice-the surgeries must be done.  The statistics are too high.  One doctor said "it's not if you're going to get cancer but when."  My emotions are all over the place. I'm happy because I can be proactive. I'm scared because I've never been in the hospital except giving birth, I'm annoyed because this is disrupting my life, I'm overwhelmed by the support people have shown, and I'm thankful for my amazing husband.

 

I wanted to write a little bit about my sister.  For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be with her. When I was young, I'd sit outside her bedroom waiting for her to make time for me.  I wanted to borrow her clothes and style my hair just like hers. She was confident. She was a brilliant. She was strong. She was beautiful. She was my big sister.

Years and a few wrinkles later, she is still all those things. But, now

she is also

my best friend. 

 

Please pray for M tomorrow. Her surgery is scheduled for 11:15.